TIM goes to Den Den Town (Or: Kids, Don't Trust What You Read on the Internet)

Well, come Monday, it was finally time to do what I came here for: Geek Out.

I was bound for Den Den Town, aka Nipponbashi, the Otaku Capital of Osaka. Several days before, I had painstakingly researched how to get there. I went to the official English-language Osaka Tourism page, and printed out directions on how to get to Osaka from the Keihan Line (the train that runs through my city), and how to get to Nipponbashi once I got there. Then I printed out maps, lists of stores in the area, the whole shebang.

I had my alarm set for 9:00 in the morning, and actually managed to get up sometime around 9:30. Around 10:30, I was fed and sanitized sufficiently to go out in public. So I hoofed it to the nearest bus stop (having sufficiently gotten over my phobia of getting kicked off again), and headed for the station.

I took a moment to admire the Freudian sculpture at the entrance, and then began studying the map of stops. I found the one that matched where my directions told me I should go, bought my ticket, managed to find the right platform, and waited.

Finally, a train came by that had a sign on it indicating that it was both The Express, and bound in the proper direction. I boarded, rife with anticipation.
Well, the ride took a while. I'm not sure how long, but it gave me plenty of time to admire the scenery, and marvel at the continuing success of the Pokemon empire. I had to change trains a couple times, as per the instructions I had printed out, and I managed to do so without incident. Finally, I arrived! I left the train, full of excitement. I looked around the station, trying to figure out if it connected anywhere with the subway, the fastest way to get to Den Den Town.
The only thing I noticed, however, was a sign pointing the way to the Kyoto Tour Bus.
Weird, I thought. Why would people go to Kyoto from Osaka? I brushed it off and made for the exit.
And there I was! Osaka!
But...
It's not quite as... city-like as I expected. Oh, well, I figured. I must be on the outskirts. I looked around for the entrance to the subway, but couldn't find it. I did, however, confirm that the burgers sold there were NOT homosexual.
I found a bus stop, and thought that perhaps I could get to Den Den town by bus. But I didn't have any directions for that... which meant I'd have to ask someone. And I figured if I were to ask anyone, it might as well be the staff at the station. So, I backtracked and went back underground and found the help booth.
I entered, and said, in halting Japanese, "Excuse me. I want to go to Den Den Town, but... I don't know/don't understand."
Well, the lady at the booth didn't understand either. I decided to make it simpler.
"Den Den Town," I said. "Nipponbashi," and showed here the name on paper.
"Ah, Nipponbashi," she said. She pulled out a Japanese-language and English-language subway map, and compared them for a moment. Then she turned the English map towards me, and circled one of the stops. "Here," she said. Then she circled another one, one that looked very far away. "You go here. Transfer subway. Ride to Nipponbashi."
"Thank you very much," I said, and took the map with me.
Well, I was a little cheesed off. I had just gotten there, and I had to get on the train again?

I studied the list of stops again. Okay, here's where I am... where's this stop I'm going to?
Wait... THERE it is. Wait. It's on, like, the complete...opposite...side...

I frantically pulled out the map again, and found the two stops she had circled. I looked at the one I was headed for, then my eyes darted to the one I was at. Then they zoomed out a bit to take in the name of the city I was in:


Kyoto.


OH MY GOD! WHY? WHY DID THE DIRECTIONS FROM THE OSAKA TOURISM AGENCY TAKE ME TO KYOTO!? THAT'S THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF WHERE I WANT TO GO!
The Keihan line was MADE TO CONNECT OSAKA AND KYOTO. I went AS FAR AS POSSIBLE in the WRONG direction. Did Osaka hate tourists so much, that it tried to ship them all to a different city?!

After frothing at the mouth for a while, and banging my head against the concrete wall, I composed myself enough to buy a ticket aaaaallll the way back, back past Hirakata-shi where I started, aaaallll the way to the other end of the rail line, AKA Osaka.

I fumed on the train for what seemed like an hour, listening to ANGRY music on my ipod, until FINALLY, I arrived.

At the REAL Osaka.

Maybe.

This time I didn't even see the light of day. I immediately found the sign directing me to the subway, so I went down, down, down, deep into the bowels of the Earth. Finally, I arrived at the ticket machine. Here's what the route looked like.

Fortunately, there was a handy chart nearby listing the stops in alphabetical order, along with the price of the ticket to get there. I've never been so glad I can read hiragana...

So, ticket bought, dingy subway boarded, and I was left to stew in my anticipation once again.

Finally, I arrived at the stop indicated by the directions I printed off...
Well, maybe that wasn't the smartest thing to rely on, but seriously, I'd like to see them get me to Kyoto from the OSAKA SUBWAY LINE.

Regardless, the train stopped, I got up, and sprinted up the stairs.

And up the escalator.

And some more stairs.

MAN was I underground.

FINALLY, I REACHED DAYLIGHT!
Huh. Looks like it had been raining. Oh, well. Gotta look around... make sure I'm in the right place.
Let's see....
Five Stories of Windows-related software.
Big, flashy electronics stores.
Giant ad for Manga shop...
An Akira billboard...
A Gundam painted on a four story Gundam shop...

Welcome home, TIM. Welcome home.

I was finally there. I just about fainted from excitement.

No, wait. That's hunger. The plan had been to get there in time for lunch. But what should have taken about half an hour and cost me about $5, had taken more like three hours and cost me closer to $15. So at this point, I was starving.

Now... an acquaintance of mine who had been there earlier had assured me that there were these things called Maid Cafes everywhere. Now, I know. It sounds...
creepy. I won't argue with you there. But I figured, when in Japan, do as the Otaku do, so I thought I might check one out.

Well, I walked a few blocks, and I guess all the maids were staying in out of the rain, because there were none to be seen. In fact, the only food I saw was a two story McDonald's.

Ah, well. Works for me.

I feasted on double cheese, and then hit the streets, refreshed and re-energized. First stop: That AWESOME Gundam building.

Now, you already saw the outer facade. But the show doesn't stop there. Right at the entrance, there's a big ol' person sized model. It could be mine for $1,750! And then on the inside, all the merchandise you could possibly want. And it wasn't just sitting in boxes on the shelf, either. They had lots of massive battle scenes and other displays. [x] [x] [x] [x]
And of course, the chixx0rz.

Not only that, they also had leggo gundams, and gundam puzzles, and costumes, and clothing,
and that's about when the clerk came up to me and pointed at one of the many prominent "No Photographs" signs you MIGHT have already noticed, but that I, in my excitement, overlooked.

I awkwardly apologized, and started to put my camera away.

JUST THEN, THE BUILDING SHOOK, AS A GIGANTIC ROBOT FIST SLAMMED THROUGH THE WALL, SENDING SPARKS AND SHRAPNEL FLYING EVERYWHERE! I JUST HAD TIME TO SNAP THIS ONE PICTURE BEFORE IT WITHDREW, TAKING MOST OF THE WALL WITH IT!


No, not really.


What actually happened was that I excused myself, and headed for the escalator to the second story. At the top, there was this MAGNIFICENT display of a life-sized gundam fist protruding through the wall, with the lights all flickery and everything, like it had just punched through and shorted out everything. I could only gape at it as I passed by.

Well, I know that they said "no pictures."

But I was a BAD GAIJIN! BAD!

I lurked around the top floor for a while longer, then walked back down to the bottom. Lurked there, then made for the escalator again. As soon as no clerks were in sight, I whipped out the camera and tried for one good shot.

As you can see, I failed. But, oh well. Better than nothing.

Anyway, somewhere throughout my cavorting about, I found this awesome little stress ball. It was just a little over a dollar, so I knew I had to have it.
Which left the rest of the shop.

Now, I've never been a huge fan of the Gundam franchise. I've seen maybe two or three episodes of any of the normal shows, and almost a full season of the "weird spin-off" show.

All the same, I knew I had to have a Gundam. Just one! They're so cool.

At first, I figured I'd be adventurous and get a model I'd have to put together myself. This was abandoned once I realized I couldn't read the difficulty ratings on the boxes, and I had as much chance as getting an expert level kit as a beginner one. So I started browsing the action figures.

They all looked pretty cool, but one caught my eye.

Okay, three. It was a three-pack; a trio of dark-colored gundams. I had never seen Gundams like this; they were almost always white, red, blue, you know, bright colors. I looked and looked for a single one that I'd rather have, but couldn't find one. So, I sprung for the three-pack.

Wallet: Ow.
Me: Shut up.


Total cost of this store: 3,612 Yen ($31.36)

After that, I set about exploring once more.

In the course of my adventures, I happened to meet my professor outside of a porn shop.

Okay, that's not exactly FAIR. Because about 80% of the shops there qualify as one, depending on your standards. But like most of them, the bottom floor was clean stuff (well, mostly. Separating the family friendly from the adult entertainment is not exactly a priority with the Japanese.)

Anyway, we chatted for a while, and then split off, with me going into the store he had presumably just left. The first thing I noticed inside was the cashier.
She was, how you say, very into the spirit of things. That is to say, she was cosplaying a character from one of my favorite anime. After waiting for her to be un-busy, and getting over a sudden bout of shyness, I managed to muster up the courage to stammeringly ask her if I could take her picture (in Japanese). She agreed, and struck a pose. Come to think of it, I'm not sure which character she was supposed to be...since none of them had hair like that...
Ah, well. No use worrying over the details.

In any case, after that I set about exploring the store. The place was jam-packed with figures and comic books of every kind. Couldn't read the books, so I mostly concentrated on the figures. A lot of them were actually from Gachapon, the little capsule machines you put a couple dollars in, turn the crank, and get a cheap prize? Well, those things are a much bigger deal here, with turns at them ranging up to three dollars, and the prizes are much better. Anyway, apparently selling them individually is big business, because you can charge more than the machines, since customers can choose which one they're buying.

Well, I ended up not buying anything there. I ogled over a couple Haruhi figures, but at over $100, there was no way I was dropping the cash for those things. So, it was time to move on.

The next shop I hit, I almost missed. From the outside, it looked like it just had some girly costumes. But then I noticed the stream of people of both genders going in and out, and decided it might be worth a look-see. I was glad I did. For this was the store where I hit my largest jackpot, and scored the deepest wound on my wallet.

It did indeed have costumes of every description, but oh, it had so much more. Namely, it had what I had been wanting all along: Haruhi figures at prices I could afford.

I actually explored the store for a long time before I found them. There was no lack of things to look at. Figures, Gachapon prizes, trading cards, costumes, CDs, DVDs, practically everything an Otaku could want. Finally, I came across a shelf jam packed with them.

But which ones should I choose?! There were too many. Different sizes, different poses, different levels of detail, sets, no sets, and of course, the biggest and most unpredictable variable: Price.

It was an incredibly hard decision choosing which ones to buy. I actually had to just put them all down and go somewhere else for a while to calm down before going back to decide which ones I wanted.

In the end, I bought three.
First was a matching set of my two favorite characters, the stoic Nagato and Haruhi, the great and terrible.
I also couldn't resist a smaller version of Haruhi, both because of the cool schoolroom set she came with, and her intensely dissatisfied expression.

Total Damage: 5,250 Yen ($45.58)

All in all, the damage was moderate, considering that this was my first run-in with collectibles from a show I love, that you absolutely cannot get in America. I WAS rather disappointed with their lack of Nagato figures, though (her being my favorite).

I wandered back in the direction I had come after that, and spotted a store I had briefly entered when I first arrived, before being driven back out by hunger. It most closely fitted the American description of a "toy store" of all the shops I had visited. Plastic, plastic, nothing but plastic.

It was beautiful.

It had a lot of retro junk, but also some semi-modern pieces. It was those that had caught my eye the first time I was there, and I aggressively searched them out again: Eva figures.

Now, this being probably the most famous anime series ever made, I knew I had to pay my respects. Plus, the merch was just plain cool. I didn't go bonkers, though. The main thing that caught my attention was one of the so-called Angels. He's a big sucker, but he doesn't move any. But I can't have him terrorizing my dorm room, can I?

Who shall rise up to oppose this fearsome beast?

None other than THIS GUY! Eva Unit 01.

He is EXTREMELY poseable, comes with two heads and about a million hands. Oh, yeah. I'm gonna have some fun with this one.

Unfortunately, this store, like pretty much FRIGGIN ALL OF THEM, did not allow pictures, for some reason. Which is a shame, because aside from all the merch, they had a life size Darth Vader, and a very odd display of a life-sized Spider Man with some sort of devil mask on.

I tried to take a picture of it, but the clerk came "sumimasen"-ing at me.

So, I did what I could. Crossed the bridge to the other side of the street, and tried to take a picture from there.
It didn't turn out great.

Total Damage from this store: 3,300 Yen ($28.65)

Aside from all that, the rest of the trip was pretty much aimless wandering. I was getting tired, my shopping bags were heavy, and my wallet was conspicuously lighter. I knew I didn't want to spend any more money, so I just kind of wandered in the general direction of the station, stopping at whatever shop caught my eye.

I told myself I was only looking, but man, was it hard. Of special danger were those wolves in sheep's clothing, the Gachapon machines. It seems so innocent, just one or two hundred yen per turn. But then you get another one, and another one, and another...

Well, you get the idea.

Anyway, about the time I found another stockpile of Haruhi figures, complete with several varieties of Nagato I barely managed to keep myself from buying (this time), I figured it was about time to head home.

On the train ride back, I took the time to muse about the preponderance of adult merchandise mixed in with all the tamer Otaku fare. As I said before, most of it was sort of tacked on upstairs, an addition to the regular stuff. But there were plenty of shops where it was all mixed together, and I did spy at least one store that was COMPLETELY devoted to selling adult videos.
Eh? What do you mean, "Did I buy any?" That's an absolutely preposterous question. I thought we already went over the prices of DVDs in Japan. D:< href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fujoshi">Fujioshi streaming in and out of the shops, along with their scruffy male otaku counterparts, passing by each other without so much as a blush as they went about their shopping.

But what I really wonder about is the adult model/figure industry. All the shops I went in had, in addition to the tamer stuff such as what I bought, large quantities of significantly more risque figures. Well, perhaps risque is a bit of an understatement...

In any case, these are obviously getting manufactured by the truckload, and presumably being bought up like there's no tomorrow. But by WHO?

These aren't like a cheap rag that people buy in a gas station and throw away the next day. We're talking big, permanent pieces of "art" that go for tens of thousands of yen. What are these people doing with them? Shoving them in their closet? Setting them on their coffee tables as a conversation piece?

God knows.

All I know is that if I'm gonna shell out cash money for a model of one of my favorite anime heroines, she's going to be in attire suitable for me to stick her up on a shelf where everyone can see her.

I guess some people don't have to worry about visitors. :|

In any case, I did make it home alright, worn but happy.
The total damage to my pocketbook was about 13,287 Yen ($115.37), so that pretty much takes care of my spending money for... the year...
At least, the part I earned myself.

And I only visited the tiniest little fraction of the Otaku Heaven called Den Den Town. :|

I'll be back, but not until my wallet has time to heal. XD

As it turns out, the gundam I bought are More than Meets the Eye [/horrible pun.]
They actually all transform, which really takes me back to my power rangers days. Good times, good times...

For details on them, and more fun with my eva figure, just check out my photobucket account.

As for myself, I've spent three days writing this, so I think it's time to wrap it up.

This is Timzor,

Signing off.

PS: My shelves look much less empty now, yes?
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