"The strangest thing happened to me today."
"Oh?"
"Yes, I saw this Gaijin Otaku."
"Eh? A Gaijin Otaku?"
"Yeah. He was a Gaijin, but dressed like an Otaku."
"That's pretty strange."
"Mm. But that's not the weird part."
"Oh?"
"No. See, while he was walking down the stairs, he suddenly tripped and fell down them. It looked like he twisted his ankle, too."
"Ouch! That must have hurt."
"That's what I thought, but when he fell, he just started laughing and got back up!"
"Eh? Was he okay?"
"I asked him. He said yes, laughed again, and walked out with a big grin on his face."
"Gaijin are weird."
"Yeah..."
This inevitable conversation has been brought to you by the Bumbling Gaitaku (Gaijin Otaku).
It's only fair that I give the Japanese something to talk about while I'm here. After all, they give me PLENTY to talk about, most of it rather surreal.
For instance, this scene took place in an Anime Art Gallery. Where you can buy paintings of your favorite Evangelion character for a few thousand dollars a pop. That's dollars, folks. Not yen.
This was all part of yet another trip into Den Den Town. Lemme just break it up into a series of surreal moments.
Surreal Moment #1: Finding a six story store called "Super Kids Land" that had a floor of extremely realistic gun replicas and air pistols and two floors of risque anime figures.
Surreal Moment #2: Anime on LAZERDISC. [x] [x]
Surreal Moment #3: Finding Loony Tunes and Disney characters that look like they're ready to kick my ass.
Surreal Moment #4: This. Do I really need to say anything?
(Holy crap, I just noticed there's a glass of water in there in case she gets thirsty.)
Surreal Moment #5: This sign.
Surreal Moment #6: Seeing a Japanese business man in a suit and tie carefully pick up and scrutinize, from every angle, a box containing figures of pre-pubescent girls with removable skirts.
Surreal Moment #7: Seeing a Japanese person walk through the otaku district wearing a Lynyrd Skynyrd T-shirt.
And last but not least: Surreal Moment #8: The best thing I've ever ever seen, done, or eaten.
That's it for now. More news as it develops.
--TIM
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Friday, October 26, 2007
Mama, I'm coming home.
Hey, guys. Sorry for the long silence. I was actually on a rockin trip last weekend, but just haven't had the time/energy to write about it... I'll see if I can get it in THIS weekend. XD You can check my photobucket for pictures.
But, hey. On to the main subject of this post.
I'm coming home.
No, not right now. I'm gonna finish out this semester, of course. But I'm not staying for the second.
Now, don't get me wrong. It's been fun. It'll continue to be fun for the last half of this semester, or so I presume. But really, I think that's enough.
I've been here. I've seen the sights, I've bought the plastic junk, I've ridden the trains, and completely failed to interact with the locals. And I think after another half-semester of this, it's time to pack it up and head back to where I belong.
Because that's what this trip has made me realize. I don't belong here. I guess a little piece of me thought I did. Every anime fan has that nagging voice that tells them that Japan is the greatest place in the world, and that all their problems will be solved if they go live there.
But it's all bunk.
I never realized it, but I had a good thing going for me back home. I had a family. Great friends, both in my hometown and at college. D&D, Kung Fu, and all the anime I could watch. And all the little things that you take for granted.
I wasn't stared at in public. I could go places without feeling completely awkward and unable to communicate. The people around me spoke English. The food was varied, tasty, and... recognizable. (I REALLY don't like Japanese food.) I could read the signs, I knew where to buy what, what section it would be in, and what it would look like. I could drive myself wherever I wanted to go, instead of being crammed into a train like a sardine, with NO handholds so that every time the train lurches I almost tumble into the people around me.
I thought, maybe, in Japan, I would meet more people like me. But I took for granted that I already KNEW people like me back home. And forgot that no matter what kind of Japanese person I found, we wouldn't be able to communicate, our cultures would be completely different, and I'd always be looked at as a Gaijin. And I also failed to realize that the international students here would be just like students anywhere else.
I got annoyed with Tuscaloosa, Alabama, and America in general, quite a lot. The people there were loud, I thought. They lived to drink and party. Well, it's no different here. Whether they're international or Japanese, most people here seem to be no less annoying than the people I left back home. I guess college students are college students, wherever you go, and drinking here seems to be even more popular, since the age is lowered, it's not taboo at all, and it's available everywhere--including the vending machine about two minutes from the dorm.
I'm not saying I made a mistake. It's been fun. I love seeing the sights, and cruising the Otaku district. And I've met some cool people, both gaijin and Japanese.
But now that I think of it, it was never my idea to stay a year in the first place. I only wanted to do a semester, but the woman in charge of the international programs convinced me to do a year.
Well, I think I had the right idea to begin with.
It's been great. But after all's said and done, I think that Japan is a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live here. And one semester is a plenty long visit, if you ask me.
But, hey. On to the main subject of this post.
I'm coming home.
No, not right now. I'm gonna finish out this semester, of course. But I'm not staying for the second.
Now, don't get me wrong. It's been fun. It'll continue to be fun for the last half of this semester, or so I presume. But really, I think that's enough.
I've been here. I've seen the sights, I've bought the plastic junk, I've ridden the trains, and completely failed to interact with the locals. And I think after another half-semester of this, it's time to pack it up and head back to where I belong.
Because that's what this trip has made me realize. I don't belong here. I guess a little piece of me thought I did. Every anime fan has that nagging voice that tells them that Japan is the greatest place in the world, and that all their problems will be solved if they go live there.
But it's all bunk.
I never realized it, but I had a good thing going for me back home. I had a family. Great friends, both in my hometown and at college. D&D, Kung Fu, and all the anime I could watch. And all the little things that you take for granted.
I wasn't stared at in public. I could go places without feeling completely awkward and unable to communicate. The people around me spoke English. The food was varied, tasty, and... recognizable. (I REALLY don't like Japanese food.) I could read the signs, I knew where to buy what, what section it would be in, and what it would look like. I could drive myself wherever I wanted to go, instead of being crammed into a train like a sardine, with NO handholds so that every time the train lurches I almost tumble into the people around me.
I thought, maybe, in Japan, I would meet more people like me. But I took for granted that I already KNEW people like me back home. And forgot that no matter what kind of Japanese person I found, we wouldn't be able to communicate, our cultures would be completely different, and I'd always be looked at as a Gaijin. And I also failed to realize that the international students here would be just like students anywhere else.
I got annoyed with Tuscaloosa, Alabama, and America in general, quite a lot. The people there were loud, I thought. They lived to drink and party. Well, it's no different here. Whether they're international or Japanese, most people here seem to be no less annoying than the people I left back home. I guess college students are college students, wherever you go, and drinking here seems to be even more popular, since the age is lowered, it's not taboo at all, and it's available everywhere--including the vending machine about two minutes from the dorm.
I'm not saying I made a mistake. It's been fun. I love seeing the sights, and cruising the Otaku district. And I've met some cool people, both gaijin and Japanese.
But now that I think of it, it was never my idea to stay a year in the first place. I only wanted to do a semester, but the woman in charge of the international programs convinced me to do a year.
Well, I think I had the right idea to begin with.
It's been great. But after all's said and done, I think that Japan is a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live here. And one semester is a plenty long visit, if you ask me.
Friday, October 12, 2007
TIM Goes to Hollywood
So, picture this. You're in Japan, and you have a three day weekend--the third one of this semester, and the second one you're not sick for. What should you do? Go see temples in Kyoto? Maybe go check out Osaka Castle?
Heck no. You go to USJ--Universal Studios Japan.
It's just like every other Universal Studios. It's got the same rides, from the same movies. The same overpriced merchandise. But it's in Japan, and it's filled with Japanese people. So why not.
I actually had to plan ahead for this. You see, the school has this running thing called the "Experience Japan Program." The way it works is that a bunch of Japanese students get together and plan some kind of event, and they take a certain amount of Americans with them. You have to sign up for it.
Now, last month, there was a trip to USJ. The Japanese students had agreed to take about five American students. I went to check out the possible trips, and that one sounded good. So I looked at the sign-up sheet.
It clearly stated that only five people would be taken. There was a line after the five people mark on the sign-up sheet.
So what do people do? After five people sign up, they go right past the line and fill up the ENTIRE DANG PAGE. And then they flip it on the back, and draw more lines, and put their names there.
I have no idea what happened with that trip. I can only assume that the first five people went, and they sent emails to everyone else that said "Hey, you stupid Gaijin. You can't come, and you can't read, either."
But they did the same trip again this month, except with only four people. And better yet, it was during the halloween season, so the whole park would be done up for it.
Well, the day after that trip was announced, I went down to the CIE office and signed up. I was the fourth-AKA last-person to sign up. I noticed this time they put X's through all the other lines. I'll bet some more people still signed up, anyway.
Anyway, come Sunday, the day was finally here. I was psyched. I decided to travel light, only taking my camera with me. You can find all the photos in my photobucket album.
Since I've learned not to trust the bus system, I decided to get an early start. Now, since we were meeting at 9:30, and I don't have any classes before 10:00, that meant that I was getting up earlier than early. I think it was around 7:30, actually. Yeah, I hear you. Boo-hoo, 7:30. Well, it's early for me.
Anyway, when I woke up, I felt like puking, but I usually feel that way when I get up early, so I didn't let it distract me. I got cleaned up and headed for the bus station. Checked the schedule. I had about 20 minutes till the next bus. Bought some grape Fanta. I was thinking, man. I'll be there in plenty of time.
That's about when I remembered that I didn't write down the name of the place we were meeting.
I looked at my watch. I looked at the schedule.
I looked at my grape fanta.
Stashed the fanta on top of the vending machine, and made a mad dash back to the dorm. I had ten minutes to get there, find out where we're meeting, and get back and get on the bus.
I generally make it a policy of mine that I don't run anywhere. It takes me a long time to get tired from walking, but I get winded in about ten seconds from running. It just doesn't seem worth it.
I ran today. I was looking FORWARDS to this, dangit. I wasn't gonna let a little detail like not knowing where I was going get in the way of it.
I ended up making it with about two minutes to spare, which I spent decided whether or not to drink the Fanta, despite the fact that someone might have put a cigarette out in it.
I did.
The bus actually didn't hit any traffic for once, and I showed up half an hour early.
Since I had skipped breakfast, I took the opportunity to try to scrounge up some food at the convenience store we were supposed to meet at. I ended up settling on a peanut butter sandwich, the only instance of peanut butter I had seen thus far in Japan. Not that it tasted like peanut butter, mind you. It wasn't thick and oily and salty... it was... fluffy. And sweet.
But, whatever. It did the job.
Eventually, we all met up. All told, we were me, two Belgium guys, and five good-looking Japanese girls that didn't speak a lick of English.
Oh, yeah. This was going to be a good day.
Heck no. You go to USJ--Universal Studios Japan.
It's just like every other Universal Studios. It's got the same rides, from the same movies. The same overpriced merchandise. But it's in Japan, and it's filled with Japanese people. So why not.
I actually had to plan ahead for this. You see, the school has this running thing called the "Experience Japan Program." The way it works is that a bunch of Japanese students get together and plan some kind of event, and they take a certain amount of Americans with them. You have to sign up for it.
Now, last month, there was a trip to USJ. The Japanese students had agreed to take about five American students. I went to check out the possible trips, and that one sounded good. So I looked at the sign-up sheet.
It clearly stated that only five people would be taken. There was a line after the five people mark on the sign-up sheet.
So what do people do? After five people sign up, they go right past the line and fill up the ENTIRE DANG PAGE. And then they flip it on the back, and draw more lines, and put their names there.
I have no idea what happened with that trip. I can only assume that the first five people went, and they sent emails to everyone else that said "Hey, you stupid Gaijin. You can't come, and you can't read, either."
But they did the same trip again this month, except with only four people. And better yet, it was during the halloween season, so the whole park would be done up for it.
Well, the day after that trip was announced, I went down to the CIE office and signed up. I was the fourth-AKA last-person to sign up. I noticed this time they put X's through all the other lines. I'll bet some more people still signed up, anyway.
Anyway, come Sunday, the day was finally here. I was psyched. I decided to travel light, only taking my camera with me. You can find all the photos in my photobucket album.
Since I've learned not to trust the bus system, I decided to get an early start. Now, since we were meeting at 9:30, and I don't have any classes before 10:00, that meant that I was getting up earlier than early. I think it was around 7:30, actually. Yeah, I hear you. Boo-hoo, 7:30. Well, it's early for me.
Anyway, when I woke up, I felt like puking, but I usually feel that way when I get up early, so I didn't let it distract me. I got cleaned up and headed for the bus station. Checked the schedule. I had about 20 minutes till the next bus. Bought some grape Fanta. I was thinking, man. I'll be there in plenty of time.
That's about when I remembered that I didn't write down the name of the place we were meeting.
I looked at my watch. I looked at the schedule.
I looked at my grape fanta.
Stashed the fanta on top of the vending machine, and made a mad dash back to the dorm. I had ten minutes to get there, find out where we're meeting, and get back and get on the bus.
I generally make it a policy of mine that I don't run anywhere. It takes me a long time to get tired from walking, but I get winded in about ten seconds from running. It just doesn't seem worth it.
I ran today. I was looking FORWARDS to this, dangit. I wasn't gonna let a little detail like not knowing where I was going get in the way of it.
I ended up making it with about two minutes to spare, which I spent decided whether or not to drink the Fanta, despite the fact that someone might have put a cigarette out in it.
I did.
The bus actually didn't hit any traffic for once, and I showed up half an hour early.
Since I had skipped breakfast, I took the opportunity to try to scrounge up some food at the convenience store we were supposed to meet at. I ended up settling on a peanut butter sandwich, the only instance of peanut butter I had seen thus far in Japan. Not that it tasted like peanut butter, mind you. It wasn't thick and oily and salty... it was... fluffy. And sweet.
But, whatever. It did the job.
Eventually, we all met up. All told, we were me, two Belgium guys, and five good-looking Japanese girls that didn't speak a lick of English.
Oh, yeah. This was going to be a good day.
After I introduced myself five times, and then forgot everyone else's names, we got on the long train for Osaka.
And so did everyone else.
Now, since this was the "express" train, it just had seats. No rings hanging from the ceiling so you don't lose your balance. But the train was PACKED finding a seat was out of the question. I didn't even think there would be STANDING room for all of us.
Also, since it was express, it moved much FASTER than most trains. So I spent about 45 minutes stumbling around an extremely crowded train, trying not to fall down or step on anyone.
But finally, we arrived. At the most commercialized place on earth.
It was... beautiful.
As I said before, the entire place was decoratd for Halloween, so I have a lot of pictures of the decorations, because I'm such a sucker for that holiday.
Even the workers had their cute little halloween hats.
I wanted one, but alas. Not sold in stores.
Anyway. We saw lots of crazy decorations before even getting into the park, including some that are bound to scare some children.
Once we got inside, we of course had to stop and gawk at the giant Univeral Studios globe.
I even got a quick vid of it, if you want to check it out in all it's misty, rotatey glory.
Anyway, as soon as we got inside, we knew the first thing we wanted to go on.
The Hollywood Dream, the park's only honest to god, no frills attatched, no vr, goes upside-down roller coaster. The line was scheduled to be TWO HOURS long, but we did it anyway. We got in. And we waited. And we waited.
See, they make sure you have hope by having the line almost constantly moving. So you feel like you're GOING somewhere.
Well, you're going somewhere, alright. You're going in a great big friggin circle. Seriously, the way that line snakes around all those metal poles is downright disorienting. Every once in a while, I would look over the tops of everyone's heads and try to figure out: Where have we already been? Where are we going? Where's the actual ride?
But to no avail.
We knew we were getting close when we started seeing cartoon videos of what not to do during the ride. From there, it was only about a half an hour more until the line led us to a staircase.
A while before that, they seperated everyone who had a bag, so they could put their belongings in a locker so they wouldn't fall out of the coaster and kill someone. I just shoved my camera in my button up cargo pocket, figurnig that would be good enough.
But ever since then I had been worrying that it would get pulverized somehow during the course of the ride.
But I digress. We got to the stairs, and before we knew it, we were on the actual boarding platform for the ride. Not that the line was over; far from it. But we could see the END, a big improvement. We finally reached the end of the line, and I gave my camera to an attendant at the last moment so it wouldn't get crushed. At this point, I was psyched. My first ride at Univeral Studios. A real roller coaster. One I had waited in line for two hours to ride.
We lined up and got into the seats. And then they put the safety bar down.
Or rather, they tried to.
Things went smoothly, of course, until they got to my row of seats. And they couldn't get the bar down.
Why?
I was too fat.
I was too friggin big for this little Japanese-person sized ride!
They kept trying, though. The attentent at one point actually braced himself and put all his weight on the bar, trying to squish it into place. It didn't work, but it WAS pretty painful.
Finally, they told me, very politely and apologetically, to get off.
I was pretty dissapointed, but tried not to show it. One of our Japanese girls also got off with me. I tried to get her to go back on, but the ride left before I could.
The bright side of all this was that they gave everyone in my group an Express Pass-- which would let us skip to the end of the line in any one ride of our choice. Just as I was leaving the platform, I remembered my camera just in time to run back and get it.
I don't know how the ride was. No one would tell me about it. But, whatever. On to the next attraction.
We began again to wander through the various movie-themed towns, and at one point we passed a pretty rad Storm Trooper. It really bothered me that most of the decorations I tried to take a picture of always had random kids and stuff crowded in front of it, getting their picture taken by someone else.
But what could I do? I couldn't wait in line for my turn to pose--I didn't want a picture of ME with the pumpkin, I just wanted the freakin pumpkin! But I did what I could, and now a lot of random people are showing up on my blog and the internet in general. I probably don't know any of them, unless I'm in the picture. Every once in a while, I managed to get a clear shot. But not very often.
Anyway. On the way to the next attraction, which I prayed I'd fit into, we passed this sign featuring what looks like Frankenstein's Monster Kung-Fu fighting. It doesn't get any better than that, does it?
As it turned out, the next attraction was Jaws, which was pretty cool. The line was unbelievably long, of course. But at least there was stuff to look at. It was pretty funny, actually. The whole place was set up like an idyllic seaside town, and the line ran through the town's museum. We saw all this quaint, peaceful stuff provided by the Amity Historical Society, and watched videos by the Amity tourism industry. Every once in a while there were ironic hints as to what was coming, like the Amity National Airlines logo bearing a striking resemblance to the famous shot of jaws from below, with his mouth opening. Or a shot of a shadow beneath the waves, only to have it be revealed to be a plane passing overhead.
What we were in line for was a "boat tour" of Amity's waters. I gotta say, they really nailed the run down, weathered seaside town look. Our "tour guide" was this really friendly lady, and she cheerfully showed us the shotgun she had in case anything went wrong.
Things started out normally enough, with her pointing out various sights of the town to see, though of course, I couldn't understand a word she was saying. Then she got a distress call from the boat ahead of us on the radio. The signal cuts off, we round the corner, and right there is the smoking, sinking wreck that was another tour boat, with a giant bite taken out of the end.
From there, it's not too long until the big guy himself showed up, in all his rubbery glory. Sucker must be fast, because he's on one end of us, our tour guide unloads the shotgun at him (big watery explosion), and then he's on the other side. I guess every time, the guide nicks him, cause he's a bit more bloody and messed up each time.
Eventually, she misfires and hits some kinda oil rig, and the thing goes up in flames! We're talking real fire here, spreading across the water. We had to wait for it to burn out before continuing.
Of course, we take the logical course, and lock ourselves in some kind of weird building with the shark at one point. He starts trashing the place, our boat stalls, but eventually we make it out. He comes back for us one more time, and our badass tour guide finally manages to finish him off with the shotgun, and we make it back to the harbor. I don't understand much Japanese, but I'm pretty sure that she asked us rather nicely not to mention the nasty shark attack business to any of the other customers. ; )
All in all, a pretty fun ride.
Next up: Jurassic Park. Hell, yeah!
A movie I've actually seen! And it looks just LIKE the movie, too. In fact, I'm going to include this photo, just to prove we were actually there.
On the way to the ride, we got to see groovy stuff like the Jurassic Park tour... vehicles from the movie.
Now, the line was no less atrocious than any other so far. We waited about two hours in this one, weaving our way through a faux rain forest. I saw a few people playing on Nintendo DS's, and our two Belgium friends pulled out ipod videos to watch 300 and a Linkin Park video, respectively. I figure they had the right idea. It really made me wish that my PSP hadn't been stolen at college. Cause otherwise, I could load it up with movies for each of the rides, and then watch the movies as I was in line for the movie's ride. And after the movie was over, I'd only have about another half our to kill before getting to the ride itself!
This line was so long, it had a vending machine selling overprice water and tea halfway through. Yeesh!
Along the way, we got to see videos of happy scientists and Jurassic Park Rangers talking about how great the park was, but stuff kept going wrong; alarms going off, power going out, dinosaurs escaping, etc. This was the start of a trend.
Oh, and I've got some bad news for anyone hoping to hook up with a Japanese hottie while in the country. Sorry, guys.
Finally, we got to the end. It was another boat thing, but without a tour guide. They just strapped us in, and we were on our way.
I gotta say, it was pretty impressive. The animatronic dinosaurs were a bit on the rubbery side, but not as much as Jaws was. Some of them even blinked. It was pretty long, too. We got to cruise through the peaceful part, where we saw all the plant eaters, like Ultrasaurous, Stegosaurus, and many others. Then we saw the broken, sparking electric fence, and we knew things were gonna get hairy. There was a disturbing scene of two smallish dinosaurs fighting over a torn and bloodstained vest. And then we went inside this... thing. There were dinos popping out at us from everywhere, the sides, the ceiling, in front, some of them even spat water at us. Then we started going up and up this steep hill, and we knew the end was almost here. We crested the peak, and HOLY GOD IT'S A T-REX.
At first, it looked like it was blocking the exit, and we kinda sat there as it roared at us. but then, the bottom dropped out, and down, down, down we went, ending in the mandatory splashdown. I gotta admit, I screamed---um, out of the sheer joy of such a great attraction, of course.
On the way out, we stopped at the gift shop, where I saw pretty much the best shirt ever.
We also saw pretty much the most bizzare and blatantly obvious product placement ever.
After that, it was on to the next attraction.
We passed through Back-To-The-Future-ville, where we saw some sort of street performance featuring a Doc impersonator. But it was not the time for back to the future. We were gonna use our express passes, and there was only one ride to use them on:
Spider-Man, the most popular ride in the whole park, with a wait time of almost three hours.
Even though we took the express route, we still managed to see some decorations; mostly just newspaper clippings about Spider Man that the Daily Bugle had put out. But within minutes, we were at the end, we were picking up our 3Dee goggles, and we were on the ride.
I gotta say, it might have been... the most awesome thing I've ever experienced. I almost cried from joy.
Right from the start, you know it's gonna be interesting. It's freaking IMPOSSIBLE to tell what's real and what's VR. Heck, we might have been in the same room the whole time. I don't know. But it looked, and felt, like we were riding all over New York City.
We first caught a glimpse of our friendly neighborhood web-slinger in the classic "shadow of him dropping down, then shooting a web and flying off again" shot.
Then before we knew it there was a *THUMP* and he was ON THE HOOD OF OUR CAR! JUST RIGHT FREAKING THERE! TALKING AT US IN JAPANESE!
It was the most awesome thing ever. I have to admit, I peeked from out of my glasses, just to see whether or not he was actually there.
Pretty soon, he has to leave, and then the villians are all over us. Electro shoves sparking cables in our faces, Doc Oc points guns at us, Hydro actually splashes us with water, one of them freaking uses a flame thrower on us, and you can actually FEEL the heat, and then Doc Oc tries to drop the head of the freaking statue of liberty on us.
Through it all, between Spidey's help and the skill of... whoever was supposed to be driving this thing, we made it out alright. I don't know when I've had that much fun. I was screaming insults at the villians, and shouting "Go Spidey Go!" at the top of my lungs...
It was amazing.
But all good things must come to an end, and so did this ride. We stopped for a while at the Spider Man gift shop. I tried really hard to find a useless, overpriced piece of junk that I wanted, but just couldn't. Oh, well. At least I've got the memories.
By this time, I was feeling pretty dead on my feet. I mean, we'd been there all day. We had started on the trip at like, 9:30, and it was now getting dark. But we figured, what the heck. One more ride.
So we headed back. Back...
TO THE FUTURE.
And holy crap, it's the Delorian. Oh, my GOD, I've wanted one of these cars ever since I first saw this movie. I settled for striking a few poses, instead. Then, it was time for another horrible, horrible line.
Unlike most of the other lines, there were a lot of flat surfaces along the way that you could sit on briefly. Had it not been for those, I might not have made it.
Anyway. We waited through the line, went up and down some stairs, watched some more videos of things going wrong, and finally we were in. The attendants led us down a hall, and locked us in a room about the size of a closet. No freakin' kidding.
There was some stuff to look at, at least, including a Flux Capacitor and a video of Biff trashing the place and stealing the time machine.
Finally, one of the doors opened, and we were led into a room, with our very own Delorian waiting for us! Dang, was that awesome.
We piled in, and pulled down the safety bar. Suddenly, the room went pitch black. Then this fog rolled over us, and all of a sudden, BOOM, we hit 88 miles per hour and were streaming through time. The goal, it soon became apparent, was to chase after Biff and his stolen time macine. We hopped all through the continuum, my favorite being the future, where we had to dodge other flying cars. But we also got to see things like dinosaurs, and... either the distant future or distant past, cause the whole planet was cold and dead.
Anyway, we finally chased him into a lava pit, and he lost control of the vehicle and freaked out. We rammed him, cranked it to 88 again, and went back to the present, taking him with us.
And that was pretty much it!
Before we left for good, we stopped at one last gift shop, a giant one that had stuff from all the attractions.
It
Was
CHAOS.
People EVERYWHERE. Standing in line just to look at the merchandise. Lines to check out going almost out the door. I scoured the place once again for a cheap souveneir. I had just about given up, and was about to find my group again, when I saw one little stand that I had missed. I had a lot of hats on it. Hats of all kinds. Baseball caps that were, like all baseball caps, too small for my ginourmous head. Random weird head decorations, like ears or a Jaws shark going through your head. And some beanies, the only kind of hat that actually fits me.
Well, I knew that I needed a hat for the coming winter, so I looked through them. They were mostly crap. Some sparkly Jurassic Park ones that I had already seen for instance. What i really wanted was a Spider Man beanie,or maybe a halloween themed one--I'd wear that sucker all year round, regardless. But what I found was completely unexpected.
It was an orange and black hat proudly emblazoned with the Mr. Fusion: Home Energy Reactor logo from Back to the Future. I knew I had to have it.
It was priced at 2,200 yen, but I figured, hey, you only live once, so I decided to get it.
I grabbed it, and tried to find out where to check out. This proved to be difficult.
At one point, I got in a line that didn't go anywhere. Really. It was just a bunch of people standing there.
Got out of that one, and found a cash register. Ah, here we go. An "entrance" sign. But wait... there are people backed up out of it. So I followed the line, all through the store. I was about to just leave without paying, since I couldn't find anybody willing to take my money, when I finally located the end and started waiting. By the time I got to the register, my feet were killing me and my head was pounding. The lady in front of me had this little kid that kept getting in the way. When I got near to the end, I was so desperate to get out that I had already counted out my money in exact change.
One of the registers opened up, and the lady was just standing there, looking at stuff. So I tried to go to it myself, and the lady noticed what I was doing, shot me a dirty look, and pushed past me. Yikes.
Anyway, another register opened up, but her dumb kid was in front of it. So I just threw the hat over its head to the cashier. She rung me up, and I threw my exact change over, too. She cut the tags off the hat and passed it to me. I crammed it on my head, and got out of that place.
Whaddya think?
After that, we stopped at an arcade to play an awesome version of Mario Cart. Like, with a steering wheel and everything. I lost pretty badly, but it was still fun.
After that, and losing a few hundred Yen to a UFO catcher, it was time to head back. We said our goodbyes, and it was another long, and if possible, more packed train ride back to the station.
And then I came back to my dorm and fell asleep instantly.
This days' success rating:
As it turned out, the next attraction was Jaws, which was pretty cool. The line was unbelievably long, of course. But at least there was stuff to look at. It was pretty funny, actually. The whole place was set up like an idyllic seaside town, and the line ran through the town's museum. We saw all this quaint, peaceful stuff provided by the Amity Historical Society, and watched videos by the Amity tourism industry. Every once in a while there were ironic hints as to what was coming, like the Amity National Airlines logo bearing a striking resemblance to the famous shot of jaws from below, with his mouth opening. Or a shot of a shadow beneath the waves, only to have it be revealed to be a plane passing overhead.
What we were in line for was a "boat tour" of Amity's waters. I gotta say, they really nailed the run down, weathered seaside town look. Our "tour guide" was this really friendly lady, and she cheerfully showed us the shotgun she had in case anything went wrong.
Things started out normally enough, with her pointing out various sights of the town to see, though of course, I couldn't understand a word she was saying. Then she got a distress call from the boat ahead of us on the radio. The signal cuts off, we round the corner, and right there is the smoking, sinking wreck that was another tour boat, with a giant bite taken out of the end.
From there, it's not too long until the big guy himself showed up, in all his rubbery glory. Sucker must be fast, because he's on one end of us, our tour guide unloads the shotgun at him (big watery explosion), and then he's on the other side. I guess every time, the guide nicks him, cause he's a bit more bloody and messed up each time.
Eventually, she misfires and hits some kinda oil rig, and the thing goes up in flames! We're talking real fire here, spreading across the water. We had to wait for it to burn out before continuing.
Of course, we take the logical course, and lock ourselves in some kind of weird building with the shark at one point. He starts trashing the place, our boat stalls, but eventually we make it out. He comes back for us one more time, and our badass tour guide finally manages to finish him off with the shotgun, and we make it back to the harbor. I don't understand much Japanese, but I'm pretty sure that she asked us rather nicely not to mention the nasty shark attack business to any of the other customers. ; )
All in all, a pretty fun ride.
Next up: Jurassic Park. Hell, yeah!
A movie I've actually seen! And it looks just LIKE the movie, too. In fact, I'm going to include this photo, just to prove we were actually there.
On the way to the ride, we got to see groovy stuff like the Jurassic Park tour... vehicles from the movie.
Now, the line was no less atrocious than any other so far. We waited about two hours in this one, weaving our way through a faux rain forest. I saw a few people playing on Nintendo DS's, and our two Belgium friends pulled out ipod videos to watch 300 and a Linkin Park video, respectively. I figure they had the right idea. It really made me wish that my PSP hadn't been stolen at college. Cause otherwise, I could load it up with movies for each of the rides, and then watch the movies as I was in line for the movie's ride. And after the movie was over, I'd only have about another half our to kill before getting to the ride itself!
This line was so long, it had a vending machine selling overprice water and tea halfway through. Yeesh!
Along the way, we got to see videos of happy scientists and Jurassic Park Rangers talking about how great the park was, but stuff kept going wrong; alarms going off, power going out, dinosaurs escaping, etc. This was the start of a trend.
Oh, and I've got some bad news for anyone hoping to hook up with a Japanese hottie while in the country. Sorry, guys.
Finally, we got to the end. It was another boat thing, but without a tour guide. They just strapped us in, and we were on our way.
I gotta say, it was pretty impressive. The animatronic dinosaurs were a bit on the rubbery side, but not as much as Jaws was. Some of them even blinked. It was pretty long, too. We got to cruise through the peaceful part, where we saw all the plant eaters, like Ultrasaurous, Stegosaurus, and many others. Then we saw the broken, sparking electric fence, and we knew things were gonna get hairy. There was a disturbing scene of two smallish dinosaurs fighting over a torn and bloodstained vest. And then we went inside this... thing. There were dinos popping out at us from everywhere, the sides, the ceiling, in front, some of them even spat water at us. Then we started going up and up this steep hill, and we knew the end was almost here. We crested the peak, and HOLY GOD IT'S A T-REX.
At first, it looked like it was blocking the exit, and we kinda sat there as it roared at us. but then, the bottom dropped out, and down, down, down we went, ending in the mandatory splashdown. I gotta admit, I screamed---um, out of the sheer joy of such a great attraction, of course.
On the way out, we stopped at the gift shop, where I saw pretty much the best shirt ever.
We also saw pretty much the most bizzare and blatantly obvious product placement ever.
After that, it was on to the next attraction.
We passed through Back-To-The-Future-ville, where we saw some sort of street performance featuring a Doc impersonator. But it was not the time for back to the future. We were gonna use our express passes, and there was only one ride to use them on:
Spider-Man, the most popular ride in the whole park, with a wait time of almost three hours.
Even though we took the express route, we still managed to see some decorations; mostly just newspaper clippings about Spider Man that the Daily Bugle had put out. But within minutes, we were at the end, we were picking up our 3Dee goggles, and we were on the ride.
I gotta say, it might have been... the most awesome thing I've ever experienced. I almost cried from joy.
Right from the start, you know it's gonna be interesting. It's freaking IMPOSSIBLE to tell what's real and what's VR. Heck, we might have been in the same room the whole time. I don't know. But it looked, and felt, like we were riding all over New York City.
We first caught a glimpse of our friendly neighborhood web-slinger in the classic "shadow of him dropping down, then shooting a web and flying off again" shot.
Then before we knew it there was a *THUMP* and he was ON THE HOOD OF OUR CAR! JUST RIGHT FREAKING THERE! TALKING AT US IN JAPANESE!
It was the most awesome thing ever. I have to admit, I peeked from out of my glasses, just to see whether or not he was actually there.
Pretty soon, he has to leave, and then the villians are all over us. Electro shoves sparking cables in our faces, Doc Oc points guns at us, Hydro actually splashes us with water, one of them freaking uses a flame thrower on us, and you can actually FEEL the heat, and then Doc Oc tries to drop the head of the freaking statue of liberty on us.
Through it all, between Spidey's help and the skill of... whoever was supposed to be driving this thing, we made it out alright. I don't know when I've had that much fun. I was screaming insults at the villians, and shouting "Go Spidey Go!" at the top of my lungs...
It was amazing.
But all good things must come to an end, and so did this ride. We stopped for a while at the Spider Man gift shop. I tried really hard to find a useless, overpriced piece of junk that I wanted, but just couldn't. Oh, well. At least I've got the memories.
By this time, I was feeling pretty dead on my feet. I mean, we'd been there all day. We had started on the trip at like, 9:30, and it was now getting dark. But we figured, what the heck. One more ride.
So we headed back. Back...
TO THE FUTURE.
And holy crap, it's the Delorian. Oh, my GOD, I've wanted one of these cars ever since I first saw this movie. I settled for striking a few poses, instead. Then, it was time for another horrible, horrible line.
Unlike most of the other lines, there were a lot of flat surfaces along the way that you could sit on briefly. Had it not been for those, I might not have made it.
Anyway. We waited through the line, went up and down some stairs, watched some more videos of things going wrong, and finally we were in. The attendants led us down a hall, and locked us in a room about the size of a closet. No freakin' kidding.
There was some stuff to look at, at least, including a Flux Capacitor and a video of Biff trashing the place and stealing the time machine.
Finally, one of the doors opened, and we were led into a room, with our very own Delorian waiting for us! Dang, was that awesome.
We piled in, and pulled down the safety bar. Suddenly, the room went pitch black. Then this fog rolled over us, and all of a sudden, BOOM, we hit 88 miles per hour and were streaming through time. The goal, it soon became apparent, was to chase after Biff and his stolen time macine. We hopped all through the continuum, my favorite being the future, where we had to dodge other flying cars. But we also got to see things like dinosaurs, and... either the distant future or distant past, cause the whole planet was cold and dead.
Anyway, we finally chased him into a lava pit, and he lost control of the vehicle and freaked out. We rammed him, cranked it to 88 again, and went back to the present, taking him with us.
And that was pretty much it!
Before we left for good, we stopped at one last gift shop, a giant one that had stuff from all the attractions.
It
Was
CHAOS.
People EVERYWHERE. Standing in line just to look at the merchandise. Lines to check out going almost out the door. I scoured the place once again for a cheap souveneir. I had just about given up, and was about to find my group again, when I saw one little stand that I had missed. I had a lot of hats on it. Hats of all kinds. Baseball caps that were, like all baseball caps, too small for my ginourmous head. Random weird head decorations, like ears or a Jaws shark going through your head. And some beanies, the only kind of hat that actually fits me.
Well, I knew that I needed a hat for the coming winter, so I looked through them. They were mostly crap. Some sparkly Jurassic Park ones that I had already seen for instance. What i really wanted was a Spider Man beanie,or maybe a halloween themed one--I'd wear that sucker all year round, regardless. But what I found was completely unexpected.
It was an orange and black hat proudly emblazoned with the Mr. Fusion: Home Energy Reactor logo from Back to the Future. I knew I had to have it.
It was priced at 2,200 yen, but I figured, hey, you only live once, so I decided to get it.
I grabbed it, and tried to find out where to check out. This proved to be difficult.
At one point, I got in a line that didn't go anywhere. Really. It was just a bunch of people standing there.
Got out of that one, and found a cash register. Ah, here we go. An "entrance" sign. But wait... there are people backed up out of it. So I followed the line, all through the store. I was about to just leave without paying, since I couldn't find anybody willing to take my money, when I finally located the end and started waiting. By the time I got to the register, my feet were killing me and my head was pounding. The lady in front of me had this little kid that kept getting in the way. When I got near to the end, I was so desperate to get out that I had already counted out my money in exact change.
One of the registers opened up, and the lady was just standing there, looking at stuff. So I tried to go to it myself, and the lady noticed what I was doing, shot me a dirty look, and pushed past me. Yikes.
Anyway, another register opened up, but her dumb kid was in front of it. So I just threw the hat over its head to the cashier. She rung me up, and I threw my exact change over, too. She cut the tags off the hat and passed it to me. I crammed it on my head, and got out of that place.
Whaddya think?
After that, we stopped at an arcade to play an awesome version of Mario Cart. Like, with a steering wheel and everything. I lost pretty badly, but it was still fun.
After that, and losing a few hundred Yen to a UFO catcher, it was time to head back. We said our goodbyes, and it was another long, and if possible, more packed train ride back to the station.
And then I came back to my dorm and fell asleep instantly.
This days' success rating:
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Hah! Take THAT Universe!
Thought you could ruin me, huh? Well, screw you AND your gay porn. I borrowed a needle and thread from The Monk, AKA Andrew, our resident Zen-ologist, and managed to patch my juggling ball up as best I could.
It ain't pretty, but hopefully it will hold together until I can get a new one.
Life is Juggle.
--TIM
Alright, settle down class. Now, today we're going to be talking about Gay Porn.
Okay, guys. Thus far, I've tried to keep this blog relatively family friendly. I don't know how well I've succeeded, but dangit, I've tried.
But there's no way to sugarcoat what this entry is about. There's gonna be adult content, and probably some strong language. So if you're under 18, or just don't want any part of all this, then go away NOW. There'll be a new entry soon about an awesome trip I took, that you'll enjoy way more than this. But I just gotta get this off my chest.
Gone? Good. I wish I was.
I don't think I've talked too much about my classes so far. I'm taking four: Two of them are Japanese language classes, one of them is about Everday Life and Culture in Japan, and the other is about Japanese pop culture.
Thus far, the pop culture class has been my favorite. The everyday life class is pretty dry and involves a lot of "theory." And the language classes are, well. Language classes.
So the pop culture has been the best by far.
Why am I bringing this up now? Well, like the title of this post states, today we're talking about gay porn.
Now, generally, I feel the same way about gay porn that I feel about homosexuality in general: I don't really care, as long as I don't get any on me.
Well, I got a big huge faceful today.
And where did I come in contact with this? Why, where else but my culture class.
Yeah. You putting all the pieces together, chumly?
Quite frankly, I've always suspected that my teacher was a little Light in the Loafers. But this pretty much cinched it.
Technically, the syllabus says that today's lecture was about Dōjinshi and yaoi.
Now, Dōjinshi is pretty interesting stuff. They're amateur comics, and there really isn't anything like them in the states. This is because in Japan, the copyright laws are hardly ever enforced, so fans can get away with making almost professional grade comics about existing characters and sell them for cash money, as long as they don't make too much of a profit.
Sure, a lot of Dōjinshi are pornographic. I guess that's only natural. After all, that's what's gonna sell, right? The hardcore stuff that real publishers won't touch.
And it just so happens that a lot of these "adult" Dōjinshi are, in fact, Yaoi. Don't recognize that word?
Good.
Were you expecting a blue link? You're not getting one. And for god's sake, don't type it into a search engine.
Yaoi is, in a nutshell, a pornographic manga about two male characters, oftentimes lifted straight from a legit manga, who fall in love and do the horizontal monster mash together.
Yeah, real appealing, right? It doesn't even matter if said characters are, in the work they're lifted from, completely straight, married with children, violent homophobes, etc. Because one of the rules of Yaoi is that EVERYONE is gay in Yaoi.
We had a reading about this that I had to do last night. Yeah. 35 pages about gay porn. I tell you, that's how I like to spend my evenings.
Technically, six pages were about other things. But the vast majority was all about yaoi.
Despite this, it wasn't THAT bad. I actually read it, partially out of a sense of duty towards my class, but also because it wasn't about the medium itself, but about the psychology behind it.
Because this stuff isn't produced or targeted at gay men. It's made by and sold to women and girls. They freaking eat it up here. Why? Well, that's what the reading was trying to figure out. Because it really doesn't make any sense. There are hardly any women in these things, and if they do exist, they're usually evil, or annoying, or just there to cause jealousy and strife. They're hated characters. And apparently, the pretty boys in the yaoi hate women in general.
So why do women eat this stuff up? Good question. Go read 35 pages about it, and then maybe you'll figure it out, even though I haven't.
So, yeah. That wasn't so bad. How did it not cross my mind that after doing the readings, of course we were going to have a CLASS about it? I should have known as soon as my lunch rang up as 444, the unluckiest number in Japanese culture, that things were about to go downhill.
So, it might not have been so bad if we had stuck to the culture aspect. The only problem is that lately, the prof is doing this thing where he lets a group of classmembers lead the discussion.
And today was about Yaoi. Dear god, if that's not a recipie for disaster, I don't know what is.
So they start by passing the stuff OUT to the class. In fact, the prof has some issues of his own that he passes out. Every gets at least one copy of this stuff. I didn't take one, so eventually one of the girls doing the discussion comes and forces one on me that she says doesn't have any sex in it.
So while all the girls and the one gay guy are all giggling and exclaiming over this stuff, and the guys are sitting around awkwardly, one of the discussion leaders leaves to fetch a video cable, so she can show us her powerpoint presentation on the subject. What was on this powerpoint?
I have no idea, and god willing, I'll never find out. They couldn't get it to work.
So we skipped right to the next part: the prof pulled out a DVD that he had bought on the internet, that was a fansubbed copy of a "shounen-ai" piece. "shounen-ai" is Japanese for "Boy Love." It's basically yaoi, with the explicit bits taken out.
Put that in a nutshell, and our professor showed us a tape of tame, animated, gay porn.
It was the most surreal thing I've ever experienced. Here we were sitting in class, watching this cartoon about boys who love boys. Some people say that anime is not realistic, but if that's true, then this crap was completely disconnected from any sense of reality. All the characters are tall skinny males. They're ALL gay. It's not even a question. If two of them run into eachother, there's never any uncertainty, they just automatically start lusting after one another's bods.
Like I said, there was the bit appearances of women, but their only job is to hang all over the dominant pretty boy and make the girly pretty boy feel jealous.
And here's the kicker. The title of this thing was something like "papa kiss me in the dark."
Well, it was about a gay love thing going on between this guy who's JUST STARTING HIS FIRST YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL and a person who appears to be his FATHER, although there appears to be maybe a two-year age difference between them.
Just... there are no words. It was the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen. Every time two characters meet, they end up in eachother's arms. They don't talk like human beings. Two guys meet for the first time, and one of them acts like a little girl, and the other one talks about him being cute. It breaks all rules of normal human behavior.
Like I said, there was no explicit sex. But oh, the sex was there. You never saw anything below the belt, if you know what I mean, but oh, it was fucking there in every other possible sense.
And then, after that, the class was over.
That was it. We showed up to class and the only thing we accomplished was to look at gay porn. And to quote the professor "We'll be continuing this Friday."
WHAT THE FUCK. What in God's name was the point of all that?
And while I was writing this, one of my juggling balls split a seam, and so now I can't even do that, which is always good for putting me into a really level zen state.
What a day this has been.
Screw it. I'm gonna go find some violent video games to play.
This is TIM, signing out.
But there's no way to sugarcoat what this entry is about. There's gonna be adult content, and probably some strong language. So if you're under 18, or just don't want any part of all this, then go away NOW. There'll be a new entry soon about an awesome trip I took, that you'll enjoy way more than this. But I just gotta get this off my chest.
Gone? Good. I wish I was.
I don't think I've talked too much about my classes so far. I'm taking four: Two of them are Japanese language classes, one of them is about Everday Life and Culture in Japan, and the other is about Japanese pop culture.
Thus far, the pop culture class has been my favorite. The everyday life class is pretty dry and involves a lot of "theory." And the language classes are, well. Language classes.
So the pop culture has been the best by far.
Why am I bringing this up now? Well, like the title of this post states, today we're talking about gay porn.
Now, generally, I feel the same way about gay porn that I feel about homosexuality in general: I don't really care, as long as I don't get any on me.
Well, I got a big huge faceful today.
And where did I come in contact with this? Why, where else but my culture class.
Yeah. You putting all the pieces together, chumly?
Quite frankly, I've always suspected that my teacher was a little Light in the Loafers. But this pretty much cinched it.
Technically, the syllabus says that today's lecture was about Dōjinshi and yaoi.
Now, Dōjinshi is pretty interesting stuff. They're amateur comics, and there really isn't anything like them in the states. This is because in Japan, the copyright laws are hardly ever enforced, so fans can get away with making almost professional grade comics about existing characters and sell them for cash money, as long as they don't make too much of a profit.
Sure, a lot of Dōjinshi are pornographic. I guess that's only natural. After all, that's what's gonna sell, right? The hardcore stuff that real publishers won't touch.
And it just so happens that a lot of these "adult" Dōjinshi are, in fact, Yaoi. Don't recognize that word?
Good.
Were you expecting a blue link? You're not getting one. And for god's sake, don't type it into a search engine.
Yaoi is, in a nutshell, a pornographic manga about two male characters, oftentimes lifted straight from a legit manga, who fall in love and do the horizontal monster mash together.
Yeah, real appealing, right? It doesn't even matter if said characters are, in the work they're lifted from, completely straight, married with children, violent homophobes, etc. Because one of the rules of Yaoi is that EVERYONE is gay in Yaoi.
We had a reading about this that I had to do last night. Yeah. 35 pages about gay porn. I tell you, that's how I like to spend my evenings.
Technically, six pages were about other things. But the vast majority was all about yaoi.
Despite this, it wasn't THAT bad. I actually read it, partially out of a sense of duty towards my class, but also because it wasn't about the medium itself, but about the psychology behind it.
Because this stuff isn't produced or targeted at gay men. It's made by and sold to women and girls. They freaking eat it up here. Why? Well, that's what the reading was trying to figure out. Because it really doesn't make any sense. There are hardly any women in these things, and if they do exist, they're usually evil, or annoying, or just there to cause jealousy and strife. They're hated characters. And apparently, the pretty boys in the yaoi hate women in general.
So why do women eat this stuff up? Good question. Go read 35 pages about it, and then maybe you'll figure it out, even though I haven't.
So, yeah. That wasn't so bad. How did it not cross my mind that after doing the readings, of course we were going to have a CLASS about it? I should have known as soon as my lunch rang up as 444, the unluckiest number in Japanese culture, that things were about to go downhill.
So, it might not have been so bad if we had stuck to the culture aspect. The only problem is that lately, the prof is doing this thing where he lets a group of classmembers lead the discussion.
And today was about Yaoi. Dear god, if that's not a recipie for disaster, I don't know what is.
So they start by passing the stuff OUT to the class. In fact, the prof has some issues of his own that he passes out. Every gets at least one copy of this stuff. I didn't take one, so eventually one of the girls doing the discussion comes and forces one on me that she says doesn't have any sex in it.
So while all the girls and the one gay guy are all giggling and exclaiming over this stuff, and the guys are sitting around awkwardly, one of the discussion leaders leaves to fetch a video cable, so she can show us her powerpoint presentation on the subject. What was on this powerpoint?
I have no idea, and god willing, I'll never find out. They couldn't get it to work.
So we skipped right to the next part: the prof pulled out a DVD that he had bought on the internet, that was a fansubbed copy of a "shounen-ai" piece. "shounen-ai" is Japanese for "Boy Love." It's basically yaoi, with the explicit bits taken out.
Put that in a nutshell, and our professor showed us a tape of tame, animated, gay porn.
It was the most surreal thing I've ever experienced. Here we were sitting in class, watching this cartoon about boys who love boys. Some people say that anime is not realistic, but if that's true, then this crap was completely disconnected from any sense of reality. All the characters are tall skinny males. They're ALL gay. It's not even a question. If two of them run into eachother, there's never any uncertainty, they just automatically start lusting after one another's bods.
Like I said, there was the bit appearances of women, but their only job is to hang all over the dominant pretty boy and make the girly pretty boy feel jealous.
And here's the kicker. The title of this thing was something like "papa kiss me in the dark."
Well, it was about a gay love thing going on between this guy who's JUST STARTING HIS FIRST YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL and a person who appears to be his FATHER, although there appears to be maybe a two-year age difference between them.
Just... there are no words. It was the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen. Every time two characters meet, they end up in eachother's arms. They don't talk like human beings. Two guys meet for the first time, and one of them acts like a little girl, and the other one talks about him being cute. It breaks all rules of normal human behavior.
Like I said, there was no explicit sex. But oh, the sex was there. You never saw anything below the belt, if you know what I mean, but oh, it was fucking there in every other possible sense.
And then, after that, the class was over.
That was it. We showed up to class and the only thing we accomplished was to look at gay porn. And to quote the professor "We'll be continuing this Friday."
WHAT THE FUCK. What in God's name was the point of all that?
And while I was writing this, one of my juggling balls split a seam, and so now I can't even do that, which is always good for putting me into a really level zen state.
What a day this has been.
Screw it. I'm gonna go find some violent video games to play.
This is TIM, signing out.
Thursday, October 4, 2007
I suggest the fried pork cutlet with a side of not killing me, please.
Hi, internet. Remember that whole post about me getting on that guy's hit-list?
Well, I decided there was only one way to deal with the problem.
I had lunch with him.
This was not something I planned on, but it wasn't an accident either. I was navigating the crowded lunch room, looking for an empty table, when I saw a friend of mine, instead. I moved over to sit near him, but it was a little crowded at that part of the table. However, there was a large empty space a few seats down.
And in that space was Alexander-san.
So I plopped right down, and said "Howdy, Alexander-san."
"You know, I still haven't seen that movie," he replied.
"Eh?"
"V for Vendetta," and he points at me.
I look down and realize that I am, thankfully, wearing my V for Vendetta shirt.
"Oh, yeah." I say. "It's really good. You should check it out," I say.
"Did they give you two pork cutlets with your food?!"
"Um..." I poke at my food. "Maybe... one and a half?"
"Huh. But yeah, I never understood about that movie why they chose Guy Fawkes. He was this crazy, fricking pro-catholic terrorist who wanted Catholicism to take over the government and kill all the protestants."
He seemed angry about this.
I came to find out during the course of our lunch that he seems angry about pretty much everything.
He was angry about V for Vendetta. He was angry about filmmaking. V for Vendetta led to politics, and he seemed to be angry at the left wing, and the right wing. He was angry at fascism, and the people that worry about fascism. He wasn't, however, angry at weapons, which he vaguely alluded to as "Our defense against fascism." He also mentioned that he thought that the government should be overthrown, possibly through force, every 20 years. He also angrily stated that in every 50-100 year period, two things are constant: The world gets better, and people become convinced that it's getting worse.
He was angry at the middle east. He was angry at religion. He was angry at religion for being the cause of turmoil in the middle east. He vaguely alluded to more stuff about just what we might do to solve that little problem.
He wasn't angry at Freedom, however. But he seemed to get angry at the idea that freedom means different things to different people.
He was angry, in fact, about pretty much everything we talked about.
"I'll try to check out that move," he said as I left.
"It's a good one," I assured him.
I will admit, I left that lunch table more scared of him than when I sat down. And I got progressively more uncomfortable the longer I talked with him. Not coincidentally, I also started eating faster and faster the longer I was there.
But I feel reassured. Because the one thing he didn't seem to be angry at, in particular, was me.
Well, I decided there was only one way to deal with the problem.
I had lunch with him.
This was not something I planned on, but it wasn't an accident either. I was navigating the crowded lunch room, looking for an empty table, when I saw a friend of mine, instead. I moved over to sit near him, but it was a little crowded at that part of the table. However, there was a large empty space a few seats down.
And in that space was Alexander-san.
So I plopped right down, and said "Howdy, Alexander-san."
"You know, I still haven't seen that movie," he replied.
"Eh?"
"V for Vendetta," and he points at me.
I look down and realize that I am, thankfully, wearing my V for Vendetta shirt.
"Oh, yeah." I say. "It's really good. You should check it out," I say.
"Did they give you two pork cutlets with your food?!"
"Um..." I poke at my food. "Maybe... one and a half?"
"Huh. But yeah, I never understood about that movie why they chose Guy Fawkes. He was this crazy, fricking pro-catholic terrorist who wanted Catholicism to take over the government and kill all the protestants."
He seemed angry about this.
I came to find out during the course of our lunch that he seems angry about pretty much everything.
He was angry about V for Vendetta. He was angry about filmmaking. V for Vendetta led to politics, and he seemed to be angry at the left wing, and the right wing. He was angry at fascism, and the people that worry about fascism. He wasn't, however, angry at weapons, which he vaguely alluded to as "Our defense against fascism." He also mentioned that he thought that the government should be overthrown, possibly through force, every 20 years. He also angrily stated that in every 50-100 year period, two things are constant: The world gets better, and people become convinced that it's getting worse.
He was angry at the middle east. He was angry at religion. He was angry at religion for being the cause of turmoil in the middle east. He vaguely alluded to more stuff about just what we might do to solve that little problem.
He wasn't angry at Freedom, however. But he seemed to get angry at the idea that freedom means different things to different people.
He was angry, in fact, about pretty much everything we talked about.
"I'll try to check out that move," he said as I left.
"It's a good one," I assured him.
I will admit, I left that lunch table more scared of him than when I sat down. And I got progressively more uncomfortable the longer I talked with him. Not coincidentally, I also started eating faster and faster the longer I was there.
But I feel reassured. Because the one thing he didn't seem to be angry at, in particular, was me.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Alright, buddy. You just made my list.
I appear to have made an error in judgment.
I think I'm on someone's hit list.
Lemme back up a bit. There's a guy in my Japanese classes that basically reminds me of me back at Alabama. That is, he usually has no idea what's going on, and when he's called on he just mumbles answers until either he gets it right or the teacher gives up and tells him. In class, he goes by Alexander-san.
He also appears to be fairly socially... stunted. Another reason he reminds me o' meself.
So all in all, I usually feel kinda bad for him.
I also usually don't have any direct contact with him, since I usually sit on the opposite side of the room from him. But not today. Today, we were right side-by-side.
So naturally, when it came time to do partner work, we were paired together. It was our job to ask each other to go do stuff, and then come up with excuses not to.
When we were at the part where we'd do it aloud for the class, he decided to ask me to go see a movie. Now, the word for movie is "eiga." And the word for English is "Eigo." So naturally, they're pretty easy to confuse. And he did so.
And you know me. Always cracking the wise.
I couldn't resist asking, "Did you just ask me to go see English?"
It didn't seem to get much of a reaction from anyone, including Alexander-san, who just mumbled his correction.
Soon, it was time for class to be over. I was walking down the hall, when one of my classmates called my name. "Hey, *****. You're my new hero."
"Why?" I asked.
"'Did you just ask me to go see English with you?'"
Huh, I thought. I mean, it was funny, but it wasn't THAT funny.
"Thanks," I said, and chuckled.
I went down the stairs, and there I ran into another one of my classmates. She high-fived me, and started chanting "Who's afraid of Alexander-san! Not you!"
At this point I was a little perplexed.
That's when I found out that most of the people in that class are SCARED of him. Not in the "I'm gonna beat you up and take your lunchmoney" kind of way. The "Someday you'll see. You just keep pushing and pushing, and one day I'm going to bring a gun to school and show you ALL who's boss" kind of way...
Apparently, he's been known to talk about how he regrets that he wasn't able to bring his gun with him to school. And there's that shirt he always wears that says "Celebrate Diversity" on it, with rows and rows of different handguns.
So...
Umm...
If I've made it onto some kind of hit list, and end up getting shot by this guy...
In the words of Coach Z:
"I regret everything!"
I think I'm on someone's hit list.
Lemme back up a bit. There's a guy in my Japanese classes that basically reminds me of me back at Alabama. That is, he usually has no idea what's going on, and when he's called on he just mumbles answers until either he gets it right or the teacher gives up and tells him. In class, he goes by Alexander-san.
He also appears to be fairly socially... stunted. Another reason he reminds me o' meself.
So all in all, I usually feel kinda bad for him.
I also usually don't have any direct contact with him, since I usually sit on the opposite side of the room from him. But not today. Today, we were right side-by-side.
So naturally, when it came time to do partner work, we were paired together. It was our job to ask each other to go do stuff, and then come up with excuses not to.
When we were at the part where we'd do it aloud for the class, he decided to ask me to go see a movie. Now, the word for movie is "eiga." And the word for English is "Eigo." So naturally, they're pretty easy to confuse. And he did so.
And you know me. Always cracking the wise.
I couldn't resist asking, "Did you just ask me to go see English?"
It didn't seem to get much of a reaction from anyone, including Alexander-san, who just mumbled his correction.
Soon, it was time for class to be over. I was walking down the hall, when one of my classmates called my name. "Hey, *****. You're my new hero."
"Why?" I asked.
"'Did you just ask me to go see English with you?'"
Huh, I thought. I mean, it was funny, but it wasn't THAT funny.
"Thanks," I said, and chuckled.
I went down the stairs, and there I ran into another one of my classmates. She high-fived me, and started chanting "Who's afraid of Alexander-san! Not you!"
At this point I was a little perplexed.
That's when I found out that most of the people in that class are SCARED of him. Not in the "I'm gonna beat you up and take your lunchmoney" kind of way. The "Someday you'll see. You just keep pushing and pushing, and one day I'm going to bring a gun to school and show you ALL who's boss" kind of way...
Apparently, he's been known to talk about how he regrets that he wasn't able to bring his gun with him to school. And there's that shirt he always wears that says "Celebrate Diversity" on it, with rows and rows of different handguns.
So...
Umm...
If I've made it onto some kind of hit list, and end up getting shot by this guy...
In the words of Coach Z:
"I regret everything!"
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
TIM's Hot Cooking Time
As some of you already know, I have not been eating exactly... healthy...ly since getting here. My dinner is usually bought at the convenience store, and lunch is generally eaten either in the Cafeteria, or at McDonald's.
Now, unfortunately, not only is this unhealthy, it is very expensive. I've known for a while that if I'm going to be here a while, I'd have to change my eating habits. So, today I finally sucked it up and went grocery shopping.
I keep hearing that a place called Fresco is good, so I decided to head there for the first time. On the way there, I almost killed a little old lady.
This is not funny. I feel absolutely horrible about it.
We were both on bikes, and she was going rather slowly. I moved in and tried to pass her, and at the same time she tried to turn. She had to swerve to avoid me, and she took a spill. Me, being a big dumb foreigner, could only stand there and repeat "I'm sorry!" and "Are you okay?" in Japanese. She wouldn't even let me help her up. She seemed very angry. She gave me a long talking to about what I had done wrong and what an idiot I was, but I couldn't understand hardly any of it. (I understood "idiot," though.)
Eventually, she picked up her bike and stalked off. I was incredibly shaken up, and I waited for her to go to make sure she was alright, then got back on my bike and just started riding in the direction I had been going.
I had no idea where I was, or what I was doing, I just knew I needed to get away from the scene of that incident. I must have ridden for about 15 minutes before I finally acknowledged that
I had no idea where I was going, and it was probably best to backtrack. So I went all the way back, and I finally found the Fresco. A few feet away from where the accident was.
I guess that's where she was going...
I did the only thing I could do. I went inside, and hoped that in the 30 minutes I had been riding around dazedly, she had done her shopping and left. I swear to you, though. Ever since that happened, every old lady I've seen has been THAT old lady, in my eyes. And there are a LOT of old ladies in Japan.
Ugh. On to less... distressing things.
My goal in going shopping was to imitate what I had seen a couple of my other unitmates doing: make a simple meal, that included rice, vegetables, and meat. Seems simple enough, yeah?
Unfortunately, I was pretty much out of everything, so that wasn't all that I needed to buy. Also unfortunately, there was only so much that was gonna fit in that little basket on my bike.
There was a lot of me picking stuff up, and then later putting it back, figuring I'll just buy it at the dollar grocery store later. There was enough stuff here that I needed that I couldn't get anywhere else, I figured I should concentrate on that.
So, I got me a big ol bag of rice. Got me some unidentified meat. Soy sauce. Vegetable oil. Bread. Etc, etc. But I looked all around the store, and I could not find mixed vegetables. The only other alternative was to buy some fresh ones, and chop and mix them myself. Now, not only is that way too much work, I figured it would be expensive, because they'd probably all go bad before I could use them all. So I just gave up on that part, and decided to look for them elsewhere.
I took my bulging shopping basket to the counter, paid about 4,000 Yen (Do I really need to keep converting it into dollars for you guys?), and hauled it out to my bike.
Well, first I had to bag it. Interestingly enough, in Japan, they don't do that for you. They take your shopping basket, right? And as they pull the items out, and ring them up, they put them in a DIFFERENT shopping basket. After you're done, they give you a couple bags and your new basket, and send you over to a bagging counter, where you do the dirty work yourself. That's... efficient, I guess.
Anyway. Even with all the stuff I put back, I STILL didn't have room for everything in the basket, so I had to hang a bag off the handlebars. I figure I won't usually have to buy this much stuff at once, as things like the big bag o rice, oil, and soy sauce aught to last me a while.
Anyway... I got back home without hitting anyone else. I was still really jittery, though. I swear, I felt the eyes of every Japanese person in the store and on the street that day, as if they were looking at me and saying "We know what you did! You stupid Gaijin! You knocked that old woman down!"
Gaah. I'm not exaggerating, either. The entire experience has been extremely nerve-wracking.
Anyway. I managed to get home, and about half of my unit-mates were there.
Unfortunately, none of them knew how to use the rice cooker. So, I just decided to work from the instructions provided and see where it got me (even though various measurements did not add up, such as the rice cooker measuring water in cups, and the measuring cup measuring rice in... I dunno. Hundreds of stuff.
But I did what I could. About 40 minutes later, I set to work on the meat part. Got a pan, poured oil in it, and started frying up the meat.
Decidedly AFTER the rice should have been done, the little "finished" light still had not come on yet. Someone came by who actually knew how to use the rice-cooker, and told me I had failed to start it in the first place.
Before smacking myself on the head and cursing my stupidity, I opened the rice cooker.
It was filled with puffy, cooked rice. Looks like I had done something right after all.
Anyway, put it all together, add a liberal dose of soy sauce, and viola!
My first meal ever cooked in Japan.
Don't look like much. The rice was a bit hard and chewy. But it's a start, by god.
Even if I had to go through hell and back just to get the ingredients together.
Well, I've got work to do.
This is TIM,
Signing off.
Now, unfortunately, not only is this unhealthy, it is very expensive. I've known for a while that if I'm going to be here a while, I'd have to change my eating habits. So, today I finally sucked it up and went grocery shopping.
I keep hearing that a place called Fresco is good, so I decided to head there for the first time. On the way there, I almost killed a little old lady.
This is not funny. I feel absolutely horrible about it.
We were both on bikes, and she was going rather slowly. I moved in and tried to pass her, and at the same time she tried to turn. She had to swerve to avoid me, and she took a spill. Me, being a big dumb foreigner, could only stand there and repeat "I'm sorry!" and "Are you okay?" in Japanese. She wouldn't even let me help her up. She seemed very angry. She gave me a long talking to about what I had done wrong and what an idiot I was, but I couldn't understand hardly any of it. (I understood "idiot," though.)
Eventually, she picked up her bike and stalked off. I was incredibly shaken up, and I waited for her to go to make sure she was alright, then got back on my bike and just started riding in the direction I had been going.
I had no idea where I was, or what I was doing, I just knew I needed to get away from the scene of that incident. I must have ridden for about 15 minutes before I finally acknowledged that
I had no idea where I was going, and it was probably best to backtrack. So I went all the way back, and I finally found the Fresco. A few feet away from where the accident was.
I guess that's where she was going...
I did the only thing I could do. I went inside, and hoped that in the 30 minutes I had been riding around dazedly, she had done her shopping and left. I swear to you, though. Ever since that happened, every old lady I've seen has been THAT old lady, in my eyes. And there are a LOT of old ladies in Japan.
Ugh. On to less... distressing things.
My goal in going shopping was to imitate what I had seen a couple of my other unitmates doing: make a simple meal, that included rice, vegetables, and meat. Seems simple enough, yeah?
Unfortunately, I was pretty much out of everything, so that wasn't all that I needed to buy. Also unfortunately, there was only so much that was gonna fit in that little basket on my bike.
There was a lot of me picking stuff up, and then later putting it back, figuring I'll just buy it at the dollar grocery store later. There was enough stuff here that I needed that I couldn't get anywhere else, I figured I should concentrate on that.
So, I got me a big ol bag of rice. Got me some unidentified meat. Soy sauce. Vegetable oil. Bread. Etc, etc. But I looked all around the store, and I could not find mixed vegetables. The only other alternative was to buy some fresh ones, and chop and mix them myself. Now, not only is that way too much work, I figured it would be expensive, because they'd probably all go bad before I could use them all. So I just gave up on that part, and decided to look for them elsewhere.
I took my bulging shopping basket to the counter, paid about 4,000 Yen (Do I really need to keep converting it into dollars for you guys?), and hauled it out to my bike.
Well, first I had to bag it. Interestingly enough, in Japan, they don't do that for you. They take your shopping basket, right? And as they pull the items out, and ring them up, they put them in a DIFFERENT shopping basket. After you're done, they give you a couple bags and your new basket, and send you over to a bagging counter, where you do the dirty work yourself. That's... efficient, I guess.
Anyway. Even with all the stuff I put back, I STILL didn't have room for everything in the basket, so I had to hang a bag off the handlebars. I figure I won't usually have to buy this much stuff at once, as things like the big bag o rice, oil, and soy sauce aught to last me a while.
Anyway... I got back home without hitting anyone else. I was still really jittery, though. I swear, I felt the eyes of every Japanese person in the store and on the street that day, as if they were looking at me and saying "We know what you did! You stupid Gaijin! You knocked that old woman down!"
Gaah. I'm not exaggerating, either. The entire experience has been extremely nerve-wracking.
Anyway. I managed to get home, and about half of my unit-mates were there.
Unfortunately, none of them knew how to use the rice cooker. So, I just decided to work from the instructions provided and see where it got me (even though various measurements did not add up, such as the rice cooker measuring water in cups, and the measuring cup measuring rice in... I dunno. Hundreds of stuff.
But I did what I could. About 40 minutes later, I set to work on the meat part. Got a pan, poured oil in it, and started frying up the meat.
Decidedly AFTER the rice should have been done, the little "finished" light still had not come on yet. Someone came by who actually knew how to use the rice-cooker, and told me I had failed to start it in the first place.
Before smacking myself on the head and cursing my stupidity, I opened the rice cooker.
It was filled with puffy, cooked rice. Looks like I had done something right after all.
Anyway, put it all together, add a liberal dose of soy sauce, and viola!
My first meal ever cooked in Japan.
Don't look like much. The rice was a bit hard and chewy. But it's a start, by god.
Even if I had to go through hell and back just to get the ingredients together.
Well, I've got work to do.
This is TIM,
Signing off.
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